you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
