It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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