Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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