I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
