yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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