I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
