wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
