FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Randomize
