I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
