i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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