Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
