i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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