I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
