gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
