yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
how drunk are you?
Several
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
