im holly from the hills drunk
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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