i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
