He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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