The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
