You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
