the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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