you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
