Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
