Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
