he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
