Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
