Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
