im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
