There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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