i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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