NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
