Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
