Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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