this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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