The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
