My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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