When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
