So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
