You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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