I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
its liver damage thursday
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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