So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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