As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
