Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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