It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
