so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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