In the future we'll all be gay
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
