I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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