Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
