You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
