I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
