Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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