This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
