What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
