I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
