I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
