Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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