It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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