sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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