i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
