The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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