I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I puked a lego.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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