I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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