Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I wear drunk well.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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