Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
