Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
