all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
