After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
