There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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