Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
