he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
